Welcome to My Journey!

Welcome to my journey from Fluffy to Fit. I have been battling my weight all my life it seems, except for when I was real young. I'd say once I hit 13 years old or so, it started to become a struggle. Even though I was very active in sports and dancing year round. Field Hockey, Dance team, Softball through the school year. Softball all summer, always outdoors, swimming etc. Both my parents were heavy so I guess Genetics was against me as a contributor.

I lost my dad when he was 48 years old to a massive heart attack. I was only 22 years old at the time. A few months before he passed I had started seeing the "man of my dreams" and thats when I started dieting in an unhealthy, unsmart way. I went through bouts of practically starving myself in my eary 20's and then in my mid 20's again. Desperate to be thinner, and it worked. I'd barely eat all day long, until my blood sugar would crash at work and I'd start to get dizzy, nauseous, and I'd get flushed in the face and feel hot, and knew my sugar was dropping. I'd eat something as a quick fix to get my sugar back up and then not eat much more. Stupid ......Absolutely..... but it worked. It worked for me without ever making myself throw up. Stupid still the same. I know that more now than when I was young. When I look back on it now, I realize it was a form of an eating disorder, back then I knew it wasn't smart, but it worked so I did it. I got so many compliments from people, "Look how thin you are!!" and "You look Great!!!" etc. all the stuff that is meant to encourage you and build you up, and it encouraged me alright..... I kept right on eating poorly (or barely at all I should say).

I did go through a period where I got heavily into working out alot and I loved it. That actually started back when Phen-Fen was the way to go to loose weight. And man did that work GREAT!!! I'd gone to my doctor to talk to him about taking Phen-Fen. He was kinda on the fence with letting me go on it, but comprimised with me and told me if I'd read the book Fit or Fat (the "in" book at the time to learn more about the meds, then he'd consider putting me on them. I did my part and read the book within a weeks time and went back to see him. We agreed to try me out on it, and as I said, it worked great! They were like magic pills!! I think I lost like 20 pounds in two months, of course that was paired with exercising 5-6 times a week, and what I guess you could call a diet-- I didn't honestly eat much because those "magic" pills took away almost every ounce of desire to eat anything. I'd think I was hungry, get food in front of me and then take a bit or two, and start to gag-- I just didn't want to eat.

Then came the scare that the combo of meds was making people have heart problems and Whoosh.....Off the market the combo went. I went off the meds, had echocardiograms to ensure that I didn't have any heart damage from it and kept on my merry way. It was disappointing to not be on the meds anymore, however I was committed to loosing and keeping the weight off, which I continued to do. I got down to the thinnest I'd ever been, and I was so healthy from working out so hard. I felt the best I probably ever did in my life. I remember having a dress that I hadn't worn in years in my closet, and after I'd lost alot of weight, I said, I'm just gonna try that dress on.....I'll never get in it though..........I put in on, zippered it up and it was loose!!!! I sat and cried I was so happy.

I look back at those pictures still today, and think, Man, did I look and feel great in those pictures!

I went through a couple breakups, mainly with the guy I had been sure from the day I met him that he was "THE ONE". We dated 3 1/2 years, then broke up and still only saw each other for another 2 years (crazy I know right?) During that time, I'd kept off most of the weight, maybe 10 pound crept back on, but all in all I was healthy, happy and satisfied.

I went through a period of depression (I never allowed myself to go on meds for it) I just pushed through and did alot of soul searching and found my way out of the sadness. I knew my relationship with "dreamboat" was no longer healthy. I finally had a lightbulb moment where I realized that continuing to carry a torch for someone who had severe commitment phobias, and who didn't want to say "marry me" but didn't want me to be with anyone else either was just a waste of my precious time. I decided to move on. (I still remember this lightbulb moment, I was sitting on my deck at night looking at the stars, listening to Pink Floyd, at my house in the country in upstate NY.) I made a choice to move on that night, to move forward and thats exactly what I did.

I started dating a great guy that had just started working for the same company I worked for. He was totally different than most any other guy I dated in the past. He was quiet, he was mellow, he was not self centered or self absorbed. He was just a plain old great guy. He came to my house to cook me dinner (our 2nd or 3rd date I believe) and showed up to my house with 6 bags of groceries, his own pots and pans and spatulas ........every single thing he could possibly need to cook me dinner. I watched him work in my kitchen (he is a trained chef), I kept asking what I could do to help him, and he insisted I sit and relax and keep him company. He asked "hasn't anyone ever cooked you dinner where you didn't have to do any work??" NOPE!!
I was completely enamored and the next day I was talking to my mom on the phone and I made "THE statement". I told my mom that I had finally met the man I was going to marry someday!!!! And we did just that! But I'm getting ahead of myself.

We moved in together in about a month and after four months together, we packed up all we owned and decided to move to Florida!! We both wanted a change, needed a change and were willing to take that journey together as we were still getting to know each other! So we moved to a little beach town on the west coast of Florida.

That was almost 9 years ago. We've moved several times within the state, we broke up once, but couldn't stand to be away from each other for more than two weeks, and were right back together. We've been through some rough times for sure, but we've always ended up right where we both feel we belong. Together!

We got married in 2004, bought our first house together in 2007, and our first car together in 2007 as well.

We've also done something else together.......we've gotten FAT!!!!!

We've gone on diets several times........generally always low carb, and it works really well for us.......until we stop doing it!!! You laugh, but I bet any of you reading have done the same exact thing!! We laugh to mask our disappointment in ourselves.

I'm on several journies as I start this blog.
1. to Loose weight. I want to be healthy and feel good about myself.
2. We are trying to get and stay PG. (I got PG in 2007, but we lost the baby)

I have PCOS (polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) which adds to my difficulties in loosing weight. (google it, its true I'm not just using it as an excuse, I swear!!)
PCOS is also a reason why I have such trouble getting PG AND staying PG.

So I welcome you to my journey from fluffy to fit. Please come back and check in often and feel free to share your feelings and your own success here too!

I'm sure there will be many stories to tell, hopefully ones of success, and some humor along the way!

Jenn